Suicide -(Trigger warning)

Ok this is a touchy subject, but today I would like to talk about suicide.

Many say it is selfish. The times I have attempted suicide,  it has been in an attempt just to get the noise in my head to stop. I’m not sure if I wanted to die. I just did not want to live anymore like this.

After my last overdose I felt a huge sense of relief. I did not have to live like this anymore. Fighting the crap in my head, day in day out is exhausting and sometimes feels too much. The times I have attempted suicide I have genuinely believed there was no other way out. In my head it was so clear and logical, my family would have less stress without me. About six hours later I did regret the decision and drove myself to the hospital whilst my family were in bed.

I worked as a nurse and watched children suffer through cancer treatment. Begging us not to give the medicine they needed.

Those with terminal illness can refuse treatment. Sick people can sign a do not resuscitate orders saying they do not wish to be resuscitated, but this is not an option for those with mental health conditions which mean they have next to no quality of life.

I battle daily with big scary emotions which I often do not know how to handle, making this stop can be so tempting at times.

 

Please do not worry about me. I do not feel suicidal as I write this.

 

I suppose I should say, if you have suicidal thoughts please talk to someone like the Samaritans  Call them Free On 116 123