I’ve been to church today.
It always gets me thinking.
I’m not sure I am accepted or acceptable in that setting.
To cope with my suicidal thoughts, I turn to sexting and porn. The strong emotions of that cover the scary suicidal ones.
What if they knew?
I was brought up in a evangelical church.I thought masturbation was a sin, looking at porn was a sin. The only place for sex was in a marriage situation. I began to be sexually aware from about 12, obviously way off marriage.
In my church watching porn is frowned upon. It is called sin. I’ve not even asked views on sexting but I guess it falls in the one man one woman for life…. Porn masturbation and adultery is sexual sin.
I went to a course on safeguarding children yesterday. They were talking about the figures for porn addiction and sexual perversion and how this put children at risk… I do watch porn but this does not make me a child abuser. It is far too simplistic.
The bible teaches not to conform to the pattern of the world but be transformed by the renewing of the mind.
The churches’ teaching is the reason I lived in shame and isolation all these years. I would not dare to talk to someone in church about it as this “sin” is what is helping me fight my suicidal thoughts.
The current me is not acceptable and that make me sad.
What Jesus taught was a radical message of inclusion and love. I wish the church today did.