During recent counselling I realised my parents were physically and emotionally abusive when I was a child. I tried to speak to my parents about this. They did not want to talk about it. I am currently living through flashbacks from my childhood so can’t just ignore it. I did try speaking on the phone but my mum just piled on a lot more guilt, so we’re not speaking at the moment for my Mental Health. My lovely Pastor is passing on news weekly for now. I don’t want to stop the relationship for good but can’t talk to them whilst they refuse to acknowledge what happened and say I have false memories. I have children so I’m trying to mend the relationship in time for their sake. If it was just for me I would stop all contact. My Pastor has had some experience of working with difficult relationships, so I have hope, that in some time we can some sort of relationship though I’m not sure what it will look like.
Sunday is Mother’s Day. It is plastered all over the shops and the TV adds. There is no escaping it at all. I find it painful to keep being reminded of it. I can’t send a card to the best mum in the world when at the moment I don’t really like her. I think to send no card at all would be really hurtful too, so it got me in a bit of a fix. I decided send a card I had already bought and just sign my name. I feel like I both love and hate my parents which is bloody confusing! The most confusing thing is I do have some happy childhood memories but all the current upset and anger I am feeling make these memories almost impossible to access. I’m exploring my childhood with my psychotherapist and hope this improves.
All the advertising about Mother’s Day just upsets me at the moment. I can’t wait till it is over!
How do you handle Mother’s Day?