Mother’s Day

During recent counselling I realised my parents were physically and emotionally abusive when I was a child. I tried to speak to my parents about this. They did not want to talk about it. I am currently living through flashbacks from my childhood so can’t just ignore it. I did try speaking on the phone but my mum just piled on a lot more guilt, so we’re not speaking at the moment for my Mental Health. My lovely Pastor is passing on news weekly for now. I don’t want to stop the relationship for good but can’t talk to them whilst they refuse to acknowledge what happened and say I have false memories. I have children so I’m trying to mend the relationship in time for their sake. If it was just for me I would stop all contact. My Pastor has had some experience of working with difficult relationships, so I have hope, that in some time we can some sort of relationship though I’m not sure what it will look like.

Sunday is Mother’s Day. It is plastered all over the shops and the TV adds. There is no escaping it at all. I find it painful to keep being reminded of it. I can’t send a card to the best mum in the world when at the moment I don’t really like her. I think to send no card at all would be really hurtful too, so it got me in a bit of a fix. I decided send a card I had already bought and just sign my name. I feel like I both love and hate my parents which is bloody confusing! The most confusing thing is I do have some happy childhood memories but all the current upset and anger I am feeling make these memories almost impossible to access. I’m exploring my childhood with my psychotherapist and hope this improves.

All the advertising about Mother’s Day just upsets me at the moment. I can’t wait till it is over!

How do you handle Mother’s Day?

4 thoughts on “Mother’s Day

  • March 21st, 2017 at 2:57 pm
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    Hello, I have similar issues over Mother’s Day. My mum was physically & emotionally abusive to my brother, my Dad was away a lot as he was in the Army. My Mum has mental health problems that weren’t addressed properly back then & aren’t at all now.
    My brother 3 & a half years younger than me, died because of drug & alcohol problems that started when he was 12, ironically he wasn’t using when he died but the years of abuse to his body had took there toll, he was only 37 when he died & he always insisted his problems were down to my Mum & was very vocal about it which my Mum never accepted. I always kept my MH problems hidden as best I could so they never really know how bad I can get.
    Mother’s Day was always difficult & I was torn like you say not wanting to get a card but feeling you should. I now think of it that I’m acknowledging my Mum for doing the best she could even if that was absolutely horrendous at times. I also think when I write my Mother’s day card that I am sending it to the Mother I wish I had & deserved (all children deserve the best parenting) & to the inner part of my Mother that would have been a good Mother if she hadn’t had her own MH problems.

    Reply
    • March 22nd, 2017 at 8:31 pm
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      Thanks so much for sharing Dawn. It helps me so much to hear other’s stories and how they cope.

      Reply
  • May 9th, 2017 at 7:10 am
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    Oh I wish I knew how to sum up my feelings- what I’ve usually said is something like “I’m not able to love my mother– she ripped any capability to love her from me a long, long time ago.”

    I have some blog posts on the subject. Please let me know (Twitter is fine too) if you’d like to read.

    Reply
    • May 10th, 2017 at 12:11 pm
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      Thanks for your comment Jakumem. I’d love to read what you’ve written on the subject. Tweet me the links.

      Reply

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