Making sense of emotions

I went to a group information session about Mentalisation today. The idea is to help me understand emotions.

All ten of us in the room have been diagnosed with BPD or EUPD traits.

Mentalizationbased therapy (MBT) Mentalizationbased therapy (MBT) is a type of long-term psychotherapy. Mentalization is the ability to think about thinking. It helps to make sense of our thoughts, beliefs, wishes and feelings and to link these to our actions and behaviours.

I watched the BBC series “the A word” Paul had a blow up that he love his son Joe but hates his autism.

I feel like that. My disorder or whatever is what makes me me,  but also makes day to day life and relationships really difficult. If I could wave a wand and take it away I would.

I asked a few questions in the group today and my understanding is that mentalisation is something learned in childhood, except for many reasons I did not learn how to cope with strong emotions like fear and sadness and being afraid of abandonment.

As I did not learn it then I was younger I need to try and learn it now

Autistic people miss some cues others know automaticlly. I feel like this about emotions. If someone is angry and I am there, it must be something I have done. Nothing else makes sense to me.

When I am on my own I can often feel bereft, as if I no longer exist of there is no one there to see me. The constant chatting on twitter through my day reminds me others are there and calms me. At three I pick up my children and switch in to being a functioning mum. It is a role I can fake well for their reassurance.