It’s been a long time since I last wrote with the fun chaos of the summer holidays. The uniforms are now all bought and labelled, the shoes fitted the pencil cases are filled and ready.
As the kids go back to school I usually start to return to work myself. The trouble is I am still not stable enough to do so.
Last September this passed quickly, hoping next year would be better
This year along with my lovely GP I am trying to get plans in place towards returning work. As my Dr often says, work gives purpose and structure. I already have a voluntary job in a charity shop and help in a local mums and tots group which take up two mornings a week and get me out mixing with others. As a mum of 3 I have always had to get the kids to school no matter how crap I was feeling each morning so that has kept me mixing with people whether I felt I could manage or not.
I am finding with unexpected issues and up and down with the kids difficult to juggle with my own mental health struggles and the plan I had of volunteering at the library is not low stress as I had hoped.
In life it is nice to feel you are moving forward and achieving things. Severe illness be it physical or mental put a stop to that. You can feel sidelined unable to do what you want and no longer a productive member of society. Your role can change drastically from someone who make a difference to others and gives to someone who can do little on their own. It can feel like life has come to a standstill.
I was colouring a picture and reflecting yesterday. The phrase that can to me is, there is purpose in the detour.
The picture as you see was of a meandering river.
With a river meander, the straight course is altered. The flow of the river changes causing the river to curve and so changing the surrounding landscape. (I remember this from my school geography)
I read recently, “Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.”
The river changes course as the water takes the fastest route which causes erosion the slower inside of the meander
The river can’t keep going at that speed and hold that amount of debris. The faster flowing erosive side is able to hold more debris. As a river nears the mouth it meander in order to maintain it’s speed. The meander is not actually a detour.
My current situation does feel I am parked up at the moment I hope in time, I can see it as actually travelling forward.