We had new windows fitted this week. Nice to finally have double glazing, but the house was in uproar as we had to move things around and take down curtains. Amazed at what I found under my kids beds!!!
I’m not naturally tidy, but it has been really stressful. We’ve also had some family birthdays this week which I have found difficult as I’ve had to stop talking to my parents for the sake of my mental health. This makes conversations with my siblings difficult.
Having the windows done meant of course taking down curtains so it made sense to wash them.
So, I washed the curtains I’d taken down and realised they needed ironing too. As I was ironing them I remember my mum making them 35 years ago. The pain of not being able to talk to them is intense. I can’t see them actually acknowledging what happened in my childhood. I can’t talk to them whilst they blame me for my current mental health problems and problems with my children because of it. The only way to have a relationship with my parents again is to not mention what happened and I can’t do that!
I actually can’t see a resolution and that is so difficult..
I’ve not seen my Psychotherapist this week, as he was away which is difficult.
As my parents live a long way from us I’ve relied on my church family more. The problem is as I’m a bit sweary at the moment and don’t like to listen to unreality, I’ve very few of them I can connect with at the moment. Many friends have stopped asking how I am as they don’t want to hear the same answer. I suppose when you are unwell you find out who your friends are!
I guess I’m feeling a bit disconnected at the moment and I don’t like it at all.