I’ve been battling since January to get any mental health support. A few months ago I was really pleased to be offered six weeks of psychotherapy. I thought that was really good and was distraught when I came to the final session last week. I was over the moon to hear the situation had changed and I could have a further twelve sessions.
I quickly changed my mind today though. It was bloody painful, and I HATE PSYCHOTHERAPY.
On Sunday I was editing a really personal story to feature on the blog. It actually required a little translation from another language so I had to try and get into the mind of the author to understand how he was thinking and feeling, in order to best put that across. The subject matter was really close to my heart and my current struggles. I would often try to distract from these difficult feelings but I could not do that whilst editing the blog. (Thank God my family were around). I sat with the difficult, conflicting feelings for about three hours. It was hard and painful. This is what I ended up discussing with my psychotherapist today.
His conclusion was that I need to actually examine how I am feeling instead of running away from it. He even suggested I could be honest with my friends about how I am feeling. Shit! That is a VERY scary idea.
I set up my blog as a place to be able to honest about how I am feeling. I’m starting to regret that now…
As I have come across other’s amazing stories I’ve wanted to share that too. It never occurred to me that it would mean I had to think about how I feel. Shit! Bad planning on my part. I feel like I have painted myself into a corner, though part of me realises it is for my my own good in the long term.
I’ve a lot of lovely friends who have said I can talk to them but, in reality I’m too scared to do it.
How do you manage difficult emotions?