Getting ready for Christmas

*trigger warning*

This week we’ve been getting ready for Christmas. It has been an emotional time. This Christmas will be first one without seeing my parents and siblings. 

My parents don’t get my illness and make it worse. I need to save my energy for my own family

I had mental health issues for a long time. My first overdose was when I was 17, living at home with my parents. It did not work. I woke up the next morning, said nothing about it and carried on as normal. I struggled through before having a breakdown ten years later. By this time I was married with a son of my own.

My parents don’t really talk about my illness at all, they live a long way from me so I don’t need to have contact with them. I think they have mental health issues of their own and to acknowledge them opens a whole can of worms for them.

My children have been asking about meeting with their Grandparents this week. They have my parent’s number if they want to contact them. I don’t want the children not to be allowed to contact them. I do feel a bit guilty the kids are missing out on contact with them.  I feel quite torn really. My parents lost one daughter many years ago and I feel now they are loosing me too.


I am so lucky to have a very supportive husband and children of my own. I’m focusing on giving the children the best christmas I can.