Be yourself – everyone else is taken

Be yourself – everyone else is taken

As a teen I loved this phrase. Part of me had always longed to be myself not what others expected but being a Christian at the time meant there were still some things, parts of me which were taboo, not to be talked about, to be kept hidden.

I have just come to the end of a course of group therapy sessions. As we learned about mentalisation, we shared our stories and learned so much about each other. As others shared their thoughts, their feelings, their perspectives I felt had the same freedom to do so.

I shared things about myself in that group only my husband knew about me before. I found a place where I was understood and talking about battling with thoughts of suicide and self harm were not shocking or attention seeking, just part of our everyday experiences.

I was able to openly admit that my need for sex and sex drive scares me at times and others had the same experience.

I was able to admit the flirting I do online both thrills and disgusts me depending on what mood I am in.

I was able to share that I actually fancy girls, and have done from my teens, but was too scared to admit it to anyone until really recently. No one judged me. It was good to be seen for who I am and feel that is ok.

 

For me I feel that part of what has made me ill is working hard to supress bits of me I was really ashamed off and not able to come to terms with. I hope as I come to accept me as I am I will be able to have a less busy, noisy mind.

We all have parts of ourselves we struggle to accept and come to terms with us. Parts of us we do not feel is acceptable and should be hidden away. I wonder if it really needs to be hidden though? Or maybe sharing those parts of us with those that we trust we will be able to accept ourselves for who we are and the energy we use to hide and suppress these parts can be put to better use.

I was so fortunate to have that safe place to be myself in group therapy. I’m not sure where I will find a place like that again.

 

So in the words of Paloma Faith

Make your own kind of music,

Sing your own special song

Make your own kind of music,

Even if no one else sings along.