There are many beautiful colours you would associate with autumn. Trees changing from green, to orange brown yellow and red. Green spiky conker shells with polished brown conkers inside. Dark brown black earth revealed as you kick away the brown dry leaves, Red orange yellow of bonfires, the orange of pumpkins carved with creepy faces.
For me autumn is also blue.
The shorter days and nights drawing in cause my mood to drop each year. It is just starting. Being overtired quickly becomes I can’t go on living. Dark mornings mean I never quite wake up. Time on my own becomes scary, never knowing where my thoughts will take me. I do all I can not to be on my own to let my thoughts suffocate me not knowing how to escape or even if I can. When that switch is fliped and the dark thoughts become the only truth in my head, when the fog falls thick and damp not allowing me to see any further.
I look forward to bonfires and fireworks, the magical gallopers ride that visits our town around my birthday and sparkly lights of Christmas decorations. I love the beauty of frosty morning transforming the landscape with sparkling jewels, the eerie silence of snow covered landscapes and the joy of getting warm again after freezing cold walks.
I do try to fight though but it is bloody difficult sometimes. I have time when I am not sure I will still be there the next day, let alone the end make it through till spring. I know I have many friends who are willing to help but I honestly do not know what will help on those awful dark days.
Please bear with me. If my depressed twwets are too much to manage just block me.