I’ve not written on my blog for aaaaages. With lots of time at home I have no excuse at all.
I’ve just finished watching the second series of After Life with Ricky Gervais. Yes, I know it is just a drama and not real life but I do like the way he portrays depression and grief. The wanting to be alone but actually liking having people around you. The way that sometime those who “get it” are not your normal friends but those who have had a tough time themselves so don’t jump into trying to fix you.
Grief is a bugger, grief for those you have lost, grief for a life illness had robbed from you, grief for all this current lockdown has taken away (yes I do know we need to be in lockdown for the sake of ourselves and others). Grief wakes you in the night with the grim realisation that EVERYTHING has changed. I makes you feel guilty that the time you had before was not better used, that you did not make the most of life when it was good.
Grief changes you, your priorities change and the “fit” with your friends who don’t get it is often no longer there. You see that perfect home, perfect life is pointless and a waste of energy. When you are depressed putting on the mask to be the person your friends expect to see is hard work so easier to just stay away.
Because of my mental health being a bit rubbish I stopped working in January 2017 and tried (fought) to get some mental health support (at all/ helpful to improve my mental health) On 28th May I should have started two day a week group therapy to unravel some of the tangled knots in my head that are stopping me from moving forward. With everything in lockdown everything is on pause so therapy that I waited for and need so badly is not happening. That is sad and frustrating.
The other part I like about after life is that people seem acceptable just as they are the sex worker, the homeless postman, the hoarder with a personal hygiene problem, the man boy who is still attached to his mums apron strings. It feels like the faults are seen and even cringed with but there is no judgement of the people. I wish real life was more like that. It is on my twitter but that is not real life (or is it)
I think that is enough random ranting for now. Have you been watching After Life? What are your thoughts on it?